Her Story:
The first question everyone asks is how did we meet, so I'll start there. In my Junior year of High School Swing Kids, the BYU-Idaho weekly swing dance, became a big part of my life. I didn’t meet Jamin the first time I went. But Swing Kids does set the stage for when we did first meet because by the time we did meet it is noteworthy that I was already hooked on Swing Kids and all of it's swingn' glory!!!
At one of the Swing Kids in the early Fall of our Senior year I was boppin' along to the music, minding my own business and this tall, slender guy asks me to dance. We exchanged names and when he told me his name was Jamin, my brain registered something a Jamaican would do to music, "Oh, Jam-min! Cool!" It didn't bug him but he did correct me that it was just Jamin. I was so embarrassed, but he was a good dancer and it was a fun time. He seemed like a nice guy so I made a mental note of him as a nice guy and a good dancer and went on with life. That's my side of how we met.
During Senior year I just considered Jamin as one of the people I knew from Swing Kids who I liked to dance with who were one of my college friends that I'd still have when I started going to BYU-Idaho. A totally neutral relationship as far as I was concerned, and thus I danced my Senior year away without a care in the world, well that's not true, but none about Jamin. ;)
Summer past and then the next year I started dating a friend from high school. I am glad for the things that I learned while dating him. Its funny that my greatest fear at the time I was dating him has became my greatest joy. That there was someone out there who fit me better and would make me happier than he ever could have.
That Fall a bunch of the swing dancers went on a trip to LA to be taught by the amazing Ben and Sheri Yao!!! At the planning meeting were all those who were interested came there were a bunch of people from the swing team whom aren't relevant to the story, but there was Jamin, the guy I was dating, three other Rexburgers, and me. The five of us locals wanted to ride together. When we all started splitting up to figure out who was riding with who, I hurried over to Jamin to ask if we could all ride with him because by then I had an inkling that Jamin liked me a little and I asked him admittedly because I was pretty sure he would say yes to me and there was room enough for all of us. If there had been any doubt in his mind before that I was dating this guy he had seen me around with, it was gone after that trip. It was a really fun trip.
During the winter semester Jamin started having a learning experience of his own if you follow. I just note it because I like the fact that when we were both dating other people, the girl he was dating would get jealous to see him dancing with me. Hehehe, mischevious grin It didn't mean anything to me until when Jamin and I started dating, probably because I didn't know, ;) but I sure did appreciate it when he told me. :)
So Jamin was off having adventures of his own and I was having quite the time with my first boyfriend leaving in March for his mission, then onward to have adventures inAlaska last summer. I was never waiting for him, but I missed him a lot. He didn't write much, but I tried my best to keep it up. One of the prayers of my heart then was that if there was a man that could make me happier and/or that would fit me better then he did that I would be helped to find him. I'm glad that was the attitude I had; very, very glad. :)
I got back from Juneau August 30th last summer. That was about a week or two-ish before school started. I bummed around home and I got bored. I started going to the Stadium Singing on Sunday nights to sing hymns. That was a good social interaction. The first night I met a tall guy that was nice and seemed to be of the cultured sort and I duely noted him in my mind, even though I can't remember his name.
During that week I checked what cultural events were going on when school started that sounded fun that I could get tickets for. I wanted to go on a date. I wasn't very specific in my wanting to go on a date, I just wanted to go. I was so done with just sitting around. I bought two tickets for the acappella concert for the first weekend after classes started. My first plan was to invite the guy I met at Stadium Singing. Why not? Meet someone new that seemed nice and interesting. Good plan, ya? Well, I had planned to ask him at the next Stadium Singing, but that didn't work because he wasn't actually at Stadium Singing. Mruph...
Classes were starting on that Wednesday, I think, so time was running out to get a date for my tickets for that Saturday. Wednesday night there was a make shift Swing Kids put together and I thought I'd ask another of my dance guy friends. I never really liked him anymore than a fun guy to dance with who was funny. So I thought, why not? He's a good guy and it'd be fun. He was there, which was a step in the right direction, but he already had a double birthday party for his room mate and someone else scheduled for that evening. He called people to see if he could go, but that plan fell through too. Oh! No, school started on Thursday I think because Jamin doesn't come early to get ready for class or anything and he wasn't at the dancing that night. Right, ok. So, I was still dateless!!!
I thought through all the guys I knew. All of my other guy friends from high school were gone on missions. I hadn't gone to my college ward yet because I didn't know when or where or which it was. I was thinking and I thought of Jamin. I had his email from working with him the year before on Swing Society. That's an interesting story too. I got on his nerves a little because I wouldn't ask for help that he could tell that I needed and I didn't get my things done nearly as well as they should have been. I felt really bad because I knew that Jamin was losing patience with me and that I wasn't pulling my weight, but instead of asking for help so that I could do more, I took more complete responsibility and let even more down in my efforts. I felt very bad. Jamin has obviously long since forgiven me and is no longer of the opinion that I need to go on a mission before he can further his interests in me. ;) But I digress back to wherever I was.... Oh yeah! Dateless. :( ;)
I just emailed Jamin asking him if he would like to go to the concert with me, because I knew I wouldn't see him anywhere before that, and he said yes. We went to our mutual friend's reception before hand and took some pictures of us dancing together because he needed a better picture for his gmail account and he wanted it to be dancing, so I volunteered. Just innocent little Shara playing right into his hands. ;) The concert was fun and we even danced a few songs. For the rest of the semester people would ask us if we were the people who danced at the acappella concert. We were famous!!
Afterward we went to his apartment to play some games with a bunch of people that were there. It was fun. As such functions always go the games kind of died away after awhile and everyone just started talking. Somehow the conversation turned to church and I noted that I was going to go to my home ward because I didn't know which college ward I was in. His room mates suggested that I could go to their ward, Jamin agreed. The idea was agreeable to me, as I was seeing a potential option emerge, and so the next day I went to church with them.
They picked me up and I went to Jamin's ward the first Sunday of the semester. :) It was cool. I kind of felt like I was on a date, but kind of not. It was interesting. The first class was relief society. I sure felt like the odd one out. :) We were early so I went in and sat patiently and introduced myself to the girls that came and sat around me. It wasn't five minutes before Jamin and his bishop came into the room. Oh my! His Bishop certainly is a funny man. He had that matchmaker twinkle in his eye like a man on a mission. He got my name and where I was from and asked me if I knew how great a guy Jamin was. Just a little awkward, but it was more funny so I just humored him with smiles, and they left. An interesting happening. I sat next to Jamin in Sunday School, of course. That was rather interesting too, because the teacher didn't stop staring at me once he laid eyes on me!! He was tall and good looking but he didn't really strike me. It was unnerving to have him just stare at me like that!! I was glad I was with Jamin.
After church some of his friends were trying to get him to play games with him later on in the day/evening. As we were walking to his car, his room mates got rides with other people, he asked if I wanted a ride home or if I wanted to come play games with him and his friends? Where he went to church was right next to the gardens. I had the Ensign with me and I had planned on finding a place in the garden to study for awhile. I told him what I was actually planning on doing, even though I would also like to come to games later. He seemed a little surprised in a good way at what I wanted to do and then he asked if he could join me. That surprised me. I had wanted to study by myself a little because I tend to cry when things touch me, but I liked the idea of studying with him, so I said yes.
We went to an open grassy spot where the sun was shining warmly. We read an article on laughter which was fun, and one other I think, but I don't remember what it was about. I could definitely tell that he liked me by then. I think it was an after effect of my dating experiences before, but that afternoon I kind of wished that he had put his arm around me. I remember feeling a little frustrated when we finished because he hadn't, but it was just a little thing in my mind. I don't remember what went on the rest of that day.
That evening Jamin, I, and his room mates walked up to an apartment of female friends to play games. I think that they had been in an FHE group before. We played one of Jamin's favorite games, "Bang!" It's one of those awesome games that you've never heard of before. We finished playing in time to leave for Stadium Singing. Everyone else was kind of dragging their feet but I wasn't going to miss Stadium Singing, so Jamin and I walked and talked down the hill ourselves. The singing was wonderful as usual!
I have this weird thing where my arm starts hurting on Sundays, I think my posture must be different on Sundays or something, but it was really getting uncomfortable. Jamin and I were sharing my little hymn book. I tried changing it's position but nothing seemed to help it. Then I had a sneaky thought... I explained my predicament to Jamin and asked if rest my arm in his while we sang. Aren't I sneaky?! ;D Jamin gentlemanly said yes and offered me his arm which remained for the rest of Stadium Singing. He didn't seem to react as positively to it as I thought, which I found a little disheartening and odd, since I was getting all sorts of feelings that he was liking me, but it was ok and I still rather enjoyed it. :) On the walk back we just walked and talked, but it wasn't hard to keep talking. It was nice.
Oh, did I mention that we were partners on Swing Team? He would give me rides to and from that when he could. We played in the leaves once. I said that he could invite his room mates, but he didn't really noise the matter very much because he was excited to spend the time with just me. It was great fun. For a few weeks we didn't do anything because I had a learning experience or two that were good for the learning, but I am grateful for their briefness, to say the least. After they were over Jamin and I started to see more of each other and got back to doing things again.
The next landmark event other than just getting together for practice or other things was the fettuccine date, as it has become to be so infamously known as. :) Jamin had heard me talk about this recipe that my dear friend Jill (then)Allen had for homemade fettuccine sauce that I just LOVE so he worked on getting the recipe from her. He planned the date, but didn't tell me what we were going to have for dinner that we would be making at my house. It was a great surprise!! We cooked it in a funny order, but it was really fun all the same. :)
After that we went to a concert. The whole time during the concert I was part expecting, part hoping, that Jamin would put his arm around me or hold my hand or something like that, but he didn't. It was funny because I remember it making me feel a tinsy bit frustrated because I knew that he wanted to. I guess the precursor to this date that makes it even more significant is that we chatted for a bit that afternoon during which I said that our friendship status was on shaky ground and in danger of falling up. He didn't reply for a few minutes to that. We explored that idea a bit then I said something else of the more weighty variety, I'm starting to like you I think it was, and he didn't reply for another few minutes. I didn't know why it took him so long to reply. I just imagined him staring in shock at his computer screen, not knowing what to say. It made me a little nervous, but his replies calmed my nerves. So, before the date we both knew that we liked each other, thus the twinge of frustration after the concert.
Afterwards we went and got frozen custard, a delicacy that I didn't know was in existence at the time, and Jamin was still acting like we were just friends after we had both expressed that we were both interested in being more than just friends with each other. My frustration became more prominent in my mind. It was a weird set of emotions, to be sure.
So we go home and decide to sit on my front steps and talk for awhile. It was night and a little windy and I don't think that either of us had jackets, but Jamin was dressed a little warmer, I think. Every so often he'd say something like, do you want to go in and get a coat or jacket? Every time I'd say I was fine. I was rebelling against his chivalry because he wasn't acting on any of his feelings for me in any of the simplest, most convenient(like putting his arm around me to keep me warm *hint!* *hint!*) ways. Finally it got to the point were he couldn't stand seeing a girl in discomfort and he addresses it directly. He must have asked something like, what should I do, thinking go get you a coat or something like that. Because all my response was "Be creative!" He paused then got his spare blanket from his trunk!!! I was really trying hard to keep myself from blurting out, “Just put your arm around me Jamin!!” He came back and asked if he could share too because it was chilly out and the cement was cold. I said yes, of course. It was his blanket after all. That got us sitting closer. After a few minutes he did finaly, under cover of blanket, put his hand on my back. He didn't really get to full blown arm around me that night, but the physical touch barrier was broken!!! Then we talked about where we stood and figured that we were pretty much dating by then.
Of course we did WAY more stuff together after that, but I want to tell you about one of my favorite story that was on the following Sunday after the Fettuccine date. Because there are so many good stories after that!!
We went to Stadium Singing together. We had passed the physical touch boundary, but we weren't holding hands yet. There were some of Jamin's FHE sisters there and we talked with them before it started. It was fun getting introduced as the girl he was dating. They were all really nice. :) Things started going and we sang a song or two. It was a cold Idaho night and my hands were freezing. Jamin noticed and asked if my hands were cold. We were sharing my little hymn book and I immediately imagined him putting his hands around mine holding the hymn book or something else sweet, hand hold-y like that because at that point, a day or so after the fettuccine date, we had yet to hold hands. I said yes and he said, "Would you like some gloves?" You can't make up this kind of stuff!!!! All I could do was laugh and say yes. It was so funny!!! He asked me what I was laughing at and I told him that I'd tell him later or nothing or something like that. On the ride home with Jamin I thought of when he offered me gloves when he had the PERFECT opportunity to hold my hands and I naturally started to laugh again. Again he pressed as to what I was finding so funny. How could I describe it gently to him? I asked him if he'd ever seen Disney’s, Hercules. After some reminders I quoth that offering me gloves when my hands were cold was, "Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad." It was hilarious, and he will never live that one down. :)
In the very beginning I still wasn't over my first boyfriend, not completely. There were still some heart strings tied in deep places in my heart. It was hard and very upsetting at times. I didn't feel bad for liking Jamin, but there would be times when I would miss the missionary, sometimes very much. That would make me feel bad for Jamin. It almost felt like I was cheating on Jamin and I couldn't really help it. And it was so weird because missing the missionary still hurt too. It got to be so confusing. I was very upfront with Jamin about it all the way, though. I wasn't going to hide any of it from him.
I remember that one time I was missing the missionary really bad. Jamin hugged me close and comforted me, holding nothing back. That made me feel even worse because I was crying about someone else, missing that someone else, and being comforted by the man who loved me who I was only just starting to really fall in love with and out of love with the other. That amazed me, and still does. Jamin never held my confusions and resurfacing feelings for the missionary against me. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before they were all laid to rest.
Another great story: During the Fall semester there was another swing trip to LA that Jamin and I went with a bunch of other swing dancers went to. My dad let us drive his super economical car, which was pretty awesome. Two other people came with us in that tiny car. Jamin drove almost the whole weekend, the crazy pants!!! But it was good because we could talk a lot while the others slept and just to help keep him alert. It was so nice when he wasn't driving though and had the chance to try to sleep(which he almost can't do in cars) because I could fall asleep in his arms. On the way back, after he had had like 2 hours of sleep in the last 1 and ½ days he did get some sleep and I'm grateful that we were able to have that sweet opportunity in our simple beginnings.
Later, when it was daytime and we were navigating for the guy driving from some directions he had from his laptop. Once we got him set straight we just sat listening to the talk on tape with the laptop in our laps. Jamin had his arm around me and we were very comfortable together. As I was listening I noticed that in the reflection of the laptop screen I could see Jamin and I together. I started at that mirror image. Jamin noticed what I was looking at and started looking too. The screean fell asleep(went black) and we could see even better. A feeling of wanting to say something started to well up inside of me. I knew what I wanted to say, but the trick was getting myself to actually get the words out and say them right. At length I said, "I don't know why and I don't know how," long pause, "but I love what I see." It is worthy of note that hitherto I had not felt like I could really tell Jamin, "I love you." It took him a second or two to realize what I just said and then he almost gasped and I then I could see him fill all the way up to the top with joy and he hugged me close and returned the sentiment.
The next stop was a little town in CA called Yermo. Everyone got out, stretched their legs, went to the bathroom, and such things. It was Jamin's turn again in the drivers seat(the man would not let me drive!!), and before we got in I totally wanted to kiss him on the cheek while he was opening my door for me, but the urge flustered me and I just got in. Jamin started asking me about it, trying to figure out what I was hiding from him(I shook my head when I got in the car). He was so persistent!!! He eventually whittled it out of me after he guessed it. It was funny.
Ah, the first kiss! How could I leave That one out? :) To preface, or perhaps to recall from before, Jamin wasn't exactly what you'd call forward. Rather quite the antithesis. Jamin didn't trust himself with physical affection because it was so new to him and he didn't want to do anything wrong. Not wrong as in poorly, wrong as in fears of what thoughts that might come. To avoid this he waited until he knew that I wanted him to put his arm around me or hold my hand, as illustrated above.
After something, Devotional or Swing Team practice, before we got out of the car the conversation came to a place where the question could be easily asked, "What are your thoughts on kissing?" He told me that he had the goal to only kiss the woman he was going to marry. That hit a tender spot with me because the missionary and I kissed, things went away from him, and my fast learning experience at the beginning of the semester involved a kiss. I disagree with that goal for a few reasons, the main one being that I don't think that you should be deciding if your going to marry someone or not when a kiss is an appropriate display of simple, tender affection in a relationship. They are at two different points and it bugs me when they are combined. He still reached his goal, so I don't know how effective our conversation was. ;)
A little while later, two nights before we went to visit his family's ranch in Ten Sleep, WY(pop~350), Jamin was dropping me off for the evening and we were saying goodnight. "Saying goodnight" then consisted of one long hug and our faces touching. Our date that night was good and I could tell that he felt like he could kiss me goodnight. Only thing was that I wasn't feeling it and I didn't want our first kiss to be like that. We both pretty much knew that it was soon coming. In an effort to preserve the special moment for both of us; his first, my first with him, I asked him to save the kiss for the Ranch. He was so wonderfully respectful of my request and we said goodnight. Ironically enough, the next night I was kicking myself a little because that night I was feeling it but I had set myself up to wait. It wasn't bad. This was all the week before Christmas. It was that week that I Dear John'd the missionary. Happy Christmas!! :\
The drive to Ten Sleep through all the snowy mountain passes was a little intense(leap! How's that for a Mad Gab? :) ) but Jamin is an awesome driver and is used to that drive so we made it safe and sound.
The first day after we got there I went out with Jamin and his brother Andrew(who is now on his mission in Brazil, just like Jamin! They'll be able to speak Portuguese with each other!) to go check cows in their beast of a truck. It was so much fun!! Especially since I didn't have a seat belt and Jamin had to act as a substitute. ;) There were lots of great bumps too!! There were quite a few that lifted me right off my seat! It was snowy, and we had snow gear on and had brought some sleds. We went to the top of this awesome hill and sledded down, going back and forth with the truck from the top a few times, then we graduated to going down the second slope that went to the bottom and was a gentler ride. Andrew brought his snowboard and had a great time falling down the hill, getting caught in the truck tracks. While we were watching Jamin put his arms around my waist from behind for the first time. He had wanted to before, but felt safe doing it with all the snow gear on that we did. For the last run down to the bottom Jamin and I shared the sled that was still whole. :) I accidentally broke the other one. We got the farthest distance!! Once we knew we had won came the sigh of victory and I leaned back against him, my face turned toward him a little. There was the magnetism there that I knew he wanted to kiss me, and really I wanted him to too, but down came Andrew in the truck and we got up to drive back to the house. You could feel the missed opportunity in the air.
The rest of the day went fine. That night we studied scriptures together before it was time to go to bed. After the good study we just sat in each other's arms, talking, which in passage of time turned to silence. We were sitting as such that it would have taken little to no effort to kiss me and we were back to good ole refrigerator magnets. Time passed and he didn't do anything. After awhile he apologized that he didn't have the courage yet to kiss me. There was a little sigh within me, but I wasn't upset at all. We sat for a little more, then he stood up in front of me and offered his hand to help me up. I wasn't quite sure what he was up to. He held me close, just like saying goodnight. And then from out of nowhere he, a little shakily, kissed me for the first time. The rule holds true that the second kiss is better than the first, but he was a fast learner. ;) The memorable comment for him that I made before we ended up saying goodnight for real was that the last kiss he gave me that night was the best kiss I had ever had. The next morning, while I was up before him helping his mom do breakfast-y kitchen-y things, he finally came up and greeted me with a sweet good morning kiss. It didn't take long for that to be nominated as a daily tradition. :) I like the song, "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michealson for that line and it's a good song. :)
So, things went as they usually do with such things and when he was giving me rides around on my first day of Winter semester classes we started talking about getting married with a crazy sort of certainty!!! It was so good and yet so weird!! :) We originally were going to get married during the break between semesters this coming winter, getting engaged sometime early in the Fall because we'd be apart all summer. I was still going to go to Lithuaniaand Alaska.
The CES fireside that Julie B. Beck gave changed that. Jamin and I weren't together then. He left for his internship in NebraskaFebruary 20th. As she spoke Jamin fit everything that she said and it all felt right. Then she said to not postpone marriage. We talked afterwards on the phone and he felt the same way.
We visited the Ranch in Wyoming for his brother's not-farewell Easter weekend and got engaged. My parents and sister came. He asked properly and everything. The second he got out of talking with them he whisked me to a hill top that was on the way to his favorite mountains that he had chosen before hand, and under the full moon he knelt on one knee and asked, "Shara Celeste Masulonis, will you marry me?" I let the question hang in the air for a moment, to be sure it was real, and said yes. It was so wonderful!!!
I love Jamin. I love Jamin so much that I know that I know I could never love anyone with the depth, breadth, and completeness that I have come to love Jamin in the short time span in which it has had to grow, without very personal, intimate help and handiwork of my loving Heavenly Father and my most loving Brother, the Atoning One, Jesus Christ. I know that our love will continue to lift us to new heights. Ever closer to each other, and ever closer to Christ.
There is no one in the world that I would rather climb the blessedly rugged mountains of life with than my dearest, beloved, Jamin Lee Mills.
His Story:I returned to BYU-Idaho after my mission in the fall of 2005. I was eager to start dating and find my future wife, as most returned missionaries are! :) In the beginning of the semester I saw a cute and tall girl at the weekly swing dance and decided to ask her to dance. She was very friendly and cheerful and I felt it would be good if I got to know her better.
I began looking for a chance to get to know her and saw my first opportunity later that semester after a swing dance lesson on a Saturday morning. Shara and two of her friends started walking off campus in the direction of my apartment so I caught up to them and started to visit. I asked where they were from and they said Rexburg. I found it an interesting coincidence. I soon realized that they were all seniors in high school. I thought "Shoot, Shara's off the list of potential spouses," as I didn't think it would be too good of an idea to date a high schooler. I still didn't give up hope I'd get another chance in the future though.
The first swing dance of fall 2006 I saw her changing her shoes just outside of the dance so I went to talk to her. I found she had indeed decided to start school at BYU-Idaho, which caused my hopes to soar! I tried to visit a little but she didn't say to much. She came to a swing dance society meeting soon after and her and I were assigned to work together organizing monthly activities. I was excited and thought this was the chance to work with her and get to know her better! Maybe we'd be able to start dating from there! We worked mostly over e-mail and chat, which was somewhat disappointing to me but I found that I enjoyed her presence.
Later in that semester a trip to LA was scheduled for the swing society and in the hope that I could get her to ride in my car I asked if she had a ride to LA yet in an e-mail. She responded no, but she asked if her and her four friends from Rexburg could ride with me. Again, I was with high hopes since a whole weekend should give us a chance to see if there was potential for our continued dating.
Shara was the last of the group to be picked up and to my disappointment, the tallest guy with us decided to sit in the middle in the front, leaving Shara by the window. I couldn't figure out why he would do that when there were three shorter people sitting in the back who would fit the front in the middle better than he would. Then they started doing things like holding hands and leaning on each other's shoulder and I slowly came to the realization that Shara was dating this guy. Again my hopes came crashing down. I found out that this guy still had to serve a mission but I decided to stop trying and figured if something was supposed to happen between us it would.
At the end of the school year I got a mass e-mail from Shara informing her friends of her plans to go to Alaska to work for the summer. I thought, well good for her, that ought to be a cool experience, then I didn't hear from her after that until July. I was checking my e-mail and out of the blue she signed onto chat and asked me if I had any good college recipes. We discussed that and she told me a bit about her adventures of starting a swing dance in Alaska until I had to go.
This time we had no contact until just before school that fall. After the first day of classes I got an e-mail from Shara asking if I had any plans the coming Saturday. I said not yet and she invited me to go to a concert with her. I got so excited! Here I'd been wanting to get to know Shara for two years and had failed in every attempt and now she was inviting me on a date!
It was an a capella choir concert, and I had a lot of fun spending the time with Shara. After the concert we went to my apartment and played some games with my roommates. The fact came up that Shara didn't know what student ward she was in and didn't really have a way to find out. I tried suggesting she come to ours until she finds out but apparently she didn't hear me. My roommate must have heard me as he made the suggestion for me. She accepted the invite and I was excited to get to spend a second day with her! I gave her a ride to church and sat with her through the meetings. I loved hearing her comments through the lessons and discussing them. After church I asked what plans she had. She said she planned to go study in the school's garden. By now I was very impressed with her view of the gospel so I asked if I could come too. First we studied an article on laughter in the Ensign. We discussed a lot how people need to laugh more in their lives, and how we could change our attitudes so everyday life brings more laughter. Then we studied a very serious article about a group of pioneers that were killed. By now I was sure I needed to spend more time with Shara. I felt so much more happy when I was around her. We went to a friend's apartment and played a game there then we went to stadium singing. During stadium singing she commented on how her arm was feeling tired and asked if she could rest it on mine, which I let her do. I kind of suspected she wanted the gesture to mean more than just an arm rest I was excited she had asked to let me provide a place for her arm to rest. :) I was very hesitant to believe it meant something though because I didn't want to let my hopes get too high! It was such a marvelous day! We had been talking the whole day, there were no awkward silences, but the entire time was enjoyable to me. After stadium singing I invited her to come to my ward's family home evening activity the next day since she hadn't been informed which ward was hers still. She accepted. Then after the activity I decided to try to keep this great thing going and I invited her to a jazz concert that would be in two weeks. Again she accepted. I figured after three days seeing each other it would be wise to take a break and see if the chance to see each other again would arise before the date to the concert. That night I couldn't calm down! I was so excited how I had gotten to see Shara three days in a row! I was impressed with her and I was hoping she was 'the one.' I was imagining if things continued how they were going we could be engaged by the end of the semester! I wanted things to work out but considering our past together I was hesitant and worried it might not work.
We both tried out for the swing dance teams and we both made the same team. Since we were the tallest we were assigned to be partners. This made me even more excited as I was so glad for the excuse to see her three times a week all semester. I used it as an excuse to cautiously get to know Shara a little better. I was trying to take it slow though because thought it would not be fun to be partners on a dance team with somebody that you had to break up with. I wanted to be able to stay friends with Shara, even if we couldn't date one day because I knew if anything she would be a very valuable friend.
The day of the date to the jazz concert came but on my way to practice I happened to discover that Shara had a date with another guy just before ours. When she didn't show up for practice, I expected this would make her late for our date too. It did so I made the decision as firmly as I could that I only wanted to be friends with her and left it at that.
That Sunday I saw her at stadium singing with the guy that made her late for my date. She gave a friendly hello when she saw me. Even though I kept telling myself we were only going to remain friends I decided I had to investigate to find out what was going on between Shara and this guy. I e-mailed Shara, asking how her weekend went and threw in a question about the guy she had been on the date with. She said a few good things about him so I assumed they soon would be dating, and tried to reinforce my attitude that things weren't going to work out between us.
The next event I'll mention here was on October 18th. We were just chatting with google talk as we often did and somehow our conversation turned to a local pizza restaurant. I saw a chance and I invited her to go for lunch in a very round about way, not wanting to directly ask her on a date because I didn't think she'd want to go. To my surprise she went and the date ended up being one of my favorite ones with her, as we had the chance to just sit and talk for a couple hours. I discovered her favorite food was fettuccine alfredo and that she had a friend that had an amazing recipe to make the alfredo sauce.
I took this to mean that Shara was no longer dating the guy she was with before, and upon further subtle questioning I found she was interested in doing something else with me if I wanted. I tried to schedule something but it never worked. She invited me to sit with her at devotional and I mentioned how I was hesitant to go on a date with her because I didn't want to spend too much time with her. I said that because I still was thinking we were only supposed to be friends. After a short discussion we agreed that we were both interested in spending more time together. Once again my plains failed so she had to invite me on the date for it to work. I don't know why that kept happening! This was in early November we planned to go to a dance concert. I was kind of worried it would be my last chance to go on a date with her, so I decided I needed to do something very special to show her how I felt about her. I had tried many times but I had never been able to put my feelings for her aside so it looked like this was the chance to really make or break it.
I wasted no time in contacting the friend that had the alfredo recipe and requested she not give Shara the recipe because I wanted to make it for her on our date. Shara's friend was extremely excited and helpful. I found out more foods Shara liked and disliked and carefully planned a dinner to make for her. I was so nervous and I hoped that the dinner would win her over.
That afternoon before the dinner she signed on to her chat and we visited a little. I mentioned how I was stressing over making sure everything went perfectly and she told me I didn't need to stress, but to make the dinner simpler if it was going to stress me out, she didn't mind. I commented on how glad I was that she was such a good friend and she replied "Yeah. Hehehe, but that friend state is on pretty shaky ground and in danger of falling up. ;D" I was hesitant to believe what I thought she just said! I couldn't contain myself and had to pace around the apartment until I could bring my self to reply. Just so she would confirm what she said I said that I couldn't believe that she would want to spend so much time with me. In her reply she confirmed she was starting to like me. I had to circle the apartment for six minutes before I could calm down enough to start thinking again! Could it be true, could this amazing woman that I had liked for years really start liking me? I got so excited I could no longer focus on the dinner I was planning. My roommate actually had to take me to the store and pick out what I needed for the recipes because I was in such a daze. :)
By the time I went over to her house to start preparing the dinner I had calmed down but I was so anxious to find out if she really meant what she had typed earlier. Since I really didn't trust chatting on the computer very much I wanted to bring the subject up again and find out if she really did like me. The dinner turned out to be good, it was fun cooking with Shara. She then went to change into nicer cloths since the dance showcase was concert dress and came back up the stairs looking stunning in an orange flowery dress. It surprised me and without thinking I said 'Oh wow!' I must say it was incredible how beautiful she looked that night. Maybe she was trying to impress me too?
The showcase was very fun as well. The whole time I kept waiting for the perfect moment to put my arm around her. I never found it though. Due to the dating experiences I had the year before I had become too careful about when I show physical affection and was nervous about doing it. I was kicking myself for not acting as we returned to her house, so I decided to lengthen the date a little and maybe I would get a chance to confirm the feelings I have for her. I said that I really didn't have more planned but I didn't want to end the date yet so I asked if she wanted to just sit on the steps and talk. She agreed! As we visited I couldn't help but notice she had no coat and was obviously freezing. I invited her to go get a coat but she refused. Finally in frustration I said "I know your freezing, what can I do to fix that?" She simply replied "Be creative." I decided to go get a blanket from my car that we could share, I put my arm on the step behind her against her back, sat close to her, and we continued to talk. As we talked she put her hand on mine. Finally she had to ask me if I was interested in our relationship becoming more than a friendship. It seemed she was a little frustrated with my hesitancy to move our relationship forward. I could hardly say it because of all the feelings that were waiting to be let out, but I basically told her I was interested in pursuing our relationship and after we finished talking we hugged goodnight and I headed for home just bouncing inside! It was confirmed, we liked each other! My dreams might still come true!
The next day we agreed to go to stadium singing together. During the course of the night I noticed Shara had no gloves so I asked if her hands were cold. She replied yes, so I think my kind gesture will win her heart and I offer a pair of gloves I had in my pocket. She started laughing at me! It took me the rest of the night to find out why she laughed at me. All she told me was "Have you seen the movie Hercules where they say 'It's not what I had in mind but not bad'?" Just then I realized she was hoping I would hold her hand! The next time we saw each other I had to ask what holding hands meant to her, because to me it was an expression that a couple was committed to each other. The meaning she had for holding hands seemed to fit our relationship well. I decided I was being too cautious and after we finished talking I took her hand as we walked to her door. This was the first time I had held hands with a girl.
Things continued to quickly progress after that. Just before thanksgiving we started talking about what might happen the following semester since I would leave for Nebraska in February and she would leave for Alaska all summer. We felt it best to not worry about it. It felt best to keep dating and find out where our relationship could go. After going to a family gathering the weekend before thanksgiving we decided we could consider ourselves officially dating. During the Thanksgiving break I called her every day and I missed her so much! It was amazing to me that I could miss somebody that much! I knew that I was falling in love with her and I hoped things would continue to work out so we could get married one day.
Sometime during the semester we talked one Sunday about kissing. I kinda felt like she was wondering if she would have to nudge me to get me to kiss her like she had to do in the past to get me to do something. I really didn't know when a kiss was appropriate, I hadn't kissed a girl before! I had previously decided I was going to wait to kiss a girl until I knew we were near engagement. Shara gave a good definition of the meaning of a kiss and I saw that I was too cautious again. I saw that simple kiss was an expression of feelings a couple could have for each other before something as serious as marriage was decided.
At the end of the semester she came to see my family's ranch for a week. As she had requested I waited until we were there to kiss her the first time. It ended up that my first kiss was the girl I would marry anyway. :) It still took a while for me to build up my courage to kiss her. At the end of the day where I had kissed her for the first time she told me I had given her the best kiss she had ever had. What a boost for a guy who had just given his first kiss earlier that evening! :)
We took turns making the trip to see each other until I left for my internship in Nebraska. We made plans to wait until the fall semester to decide if we were going to get married or not. We didn't know how we would feel about each other after being away for such a long time. Even though I knew I wanted to marry Shara for a few months by now no time really felt best for a wedding so we stuck with the possible idea of getting married January 2009 if things worked out in the fall.
After I left for Nebraska we talked on Google Talk almost every night. On March 2nd we watched the CES fireside and the speaker made a list of attributes you will see in a person that you could marry. During the fireside we both felt that the other fit the description and that there was no need to wait for us to get married. We discussed it and decided we wanted to get married during the summer!
I had already gotten work off to go to my brother's farewell so I suggested we see each other that weekend. She came and brought her family because she knew I would want to talk to her parents. I asked her parents for permission then immediately took Shara to a spacial place and proposed to her that night. When we returned we discussed things with our families and picked our wedding date. Since then we worked on the plans every moment we could. We missed each other like crazy and spent every moment we could talking on the phone or chatting. I'm so excited to get to marry this amazing woman!
It took me two years of waiting to become a person that was good enough to start dating Shara but each moment was worth it! Every day I am amazed by her and I am so grateful the Lord allowed us to have this relationship! I know she is the woman I can make the happiest in this life and I know she will return the favor. I love her so much!
Wow, we have a long story. ;) On to another post!
At one of the Swing Kids in the early Fall of our Senior year I was boppin' along to the music, minding my own business and this tall, slender guy asks me to dance. We exchanged names and when he told me his name was Jamin, my brain registered something a Jamaican would do to music, "Oh, Jam-min! Cool!" It didn't bug him but he did correct me that it was just Jamin. I was so embarrassed, but he was a good dancer and it was a fun time. He seemed like a nice guy so I made a mental note of him as a nice guy and a good dancer and went on with life. That's my side of how we met.
During Senior year I just considered Jamin as one of the people I knew from Swing Kids who I liked to dance with who were one of my college friends that I'd still have when I started going to BYU-Idaho. A totally neutral relationship as far as I was concerned, and thus I danced my Senior year away without a care in the world, well that's not true, but none about Jamin. ;)
Summer past and then the next year I started dating a friend from high school. I am glad for the things that I learned while dating him. Its funny that my greatest fear at the time I was dating him has became my greatest joy. That there was someone out there who fit me better and would make me happier than he ever could have.
That Fall a bunch of the swing dancers went on a trip to LA to be taught by the amazing Ben and Sheri Yao!!! At the planning meeting were all those who were interested came there were a bunch of people from the swing team whom aren't relevant to the story, but there was Jamin, the guy I was dating, three other Rexburgers, and me. The five of us locals wanted to ride together. When we all started splitting up to figure out who was riding with who, I hurried over to Jamin to ask if we could all ride with him because by then I had an inkling that Jamin liked me a little and I asked him admittedly because I was pretty sure he would say yes to me and there was room enough for all of us. If there had been any doubt in his mind before that I was dating this guy he had seen me around with, it was gone after that trip. It was a really fun trip.
During the winter semester Jamin started having a learning experience of his own if you follow. I just note it because I like the fact that when we were both dating other people, the girl he was dating would get jealous to see him dancing with me. Hehehe, mischevious grin It didn't mean anything to me until when Jamin and I started dating, probably because I didn't know, ;) but I sure did appreciate it when he told me. :)
So Jamin was off having adventures of his own and I was having quite the time with my first boyfriend leaving in March for his mission, then onward to have adventures inAlaska last summer. I was never waiting for him, but I missed him a lot. He didn't write much, but I tried my best to keep it up. One of the prayers of my heart then was that if there was a man that could make me happier and/or that would fit me better then he did that I would be helped to find him. I'm glad that was the attitude I had; very, very glad. :)
I got back from Juneau August 30th last summer. That was about a week or two-ish before school started. I bummed around home and I got bored. I started going to the Stadium Singing on Sunday nights to sing hymns. That was a good social interaction. The first night I met a tall guy that was nice and seemed to be of the cultured sort and I duely noted him in my mind, even though I can't remember his name.
During that week I checked what cultural events were going on when school started that sounded fun that I could get tickets for. I wanted to go on a date. I wasn't very specific in my wanting to go on a date, I just wanted to go. I was so done with just sitting around. I bought two tickets for the acappella concert for the first weekend after classes started. My first plan was to invite the guy I met at Stadium Singing. Why not? Meet someone new that seemed nice and interesting. Good plan, ya? Well, I had planned to ask him at the next Stadium Singing, but that didn't work because he wasn't actually at Stadium Singing. Mruph...
Classes were starting on that Wednesday, I think, so time was running out to get a date for my tickets for that Saturday. Wednesday night there was a make shift Swing Kids put together and I thought I'd ask another of my dance guy friends. I never really liked him anymore than a fun guy to dance with who was funny. So I thought, why not? He's a good guy and it'd be fun. He was there, which was a step in the right direction, but he already had a double birthday party for his room mate and someone else scheduled for that evening. He called people to see if he could go, but that plan fell through too. Oh! No, school started on Thursday I think because Jamin doesn't come early to get ready for class or anything and he wasn't at the dancing that night. Right, ok. So, I was still dateless!!!
I thought through all the guys I knew. All of my other guy friends from high school were gone on missions. I hadn't gone to my college ward yet because I didn't know when or where or which it was. I was thinking and I thought of Jamin. I had his email from working with him the year before on Swing Society. That's an interesting story too. I got on his nerves a little because I wouldn't ask for help that he could tell that I needed and I didn't get my things done nearly as well as they should have been. I felt really bad because I knew that Jamin was losing patience with me and that I wasn't pulling my weight, but instead of asking for help so that I could do more, I took more complete responsibility and let even more down in my efforts. I felt very bad. Jamin has obviously long since forgiven me and is no longer of the opinion that I need to go on a mission before he can further his interests in me. ;) But I digress back to wherever I was.... Oh yeah! Dateless. :( ;)
I just emailed Jamin asking him if he would like to go to the concert with me, because I knew I wouldn't see him anywhere before that, and he said yes. We went to our mutual friend's reception before hand and took some pictures of us dancing together because he needed a better picture for his gmail account and he wanted it to be dancing, so I volunteered. Just innocent little Shara playing right into his hands. ;) The concert was fun and we even danced a few songs. For the rest of the semester people would ask us if we were the people who danced at the acappella concert. We were famous!!
Afterward we went to his apartment to play some games with a bunch of people that were there. It was fun. As such functions always go the games kind of died away after awhile and everyone just started talking. Somehow the conversation turned to church and I noted that I was going to go to my home ward because I didn't know which college ward I was in. His room mates suggested that I could go to their ward, Jamin agreed. The idea was agreeable to me, as I was seeing a potential option emerge, and so the next day I went to church with them.
They picked me up and I went to Jamin's ward the first Sunday of the semester. :) It was cool. I kind of felt like I was on a date, but kind of not. It was interesting. The first class was relief society. I sure felt like the odd one out. :) We were early so I went in and sat patiently and introduced myself to the girls that came and sat around me. It wasn't five minutes before Jamin and his bishop came into the room. Oh my! His Bishop certainly is a funny man. He had that matchmaker twinkle in his eye like a man on a mission. He got my name and where I was from and asked me if I knew how great a guy Jamin was. Just a little awkward, but it was more funny so I just humored him with smiles, and they left. An interesting happening. I sat next to Jamin in Sunday School, of course. That was rather interesting too, because the teacher didn't stop staring at me once he laid eyes on me!! He was tall and good looking but he didn't really strike me. It was unnerving to have him just stare at me like that!! I was glad I was with Jamin.
After church some of his friends were trying to get him to play games with him later on in the day/evening. As we were walking to his car, his room mates got rides with other people, he asked if I wanted a ride home or if I wanted to come play games with him and his friends? Where he went to church was right next to the gardens. I had the Ensign with me and I had planned on finding a place in the garden to study for awhile. I told him what I was actually planning on doing, even though I would also like to come to games later. He seemed a little surprised in a good way at what I wanted to do and then he asked if he could join me. That surprised me. I had wanted to study by myself a little because I tend to cry when things touch me, but I liked the idea of studying with him, so I said yes.
We went to an open grassy spot where the sun was shining warmly. We read an article on laughter which was fun, and one other I think, but I don't remember what it was about. I could definitely tell that he liked me by then. I think it was an after effect of my dating experiences before, but that afternoon I kind of wished that he had put his arm around me. I remember feeling a little frustrated when we finished because he hadn't, but it was just a little thing in my mind. I don't remember what went on the rest of that day.
That evening Jamin, I, and his room mates walked up to an apartment of female friends to play games. I think that they had been in an FHE group before. We played one of Jamin's favorite games, "Bang!" It's one of those awesome games that you've never heard of before. We finished playing in time to leave for Stadium Singing. Everyone else was kind of dragging their feet but I wasn't going to miss Stadium Singing, so Jamin and I walked and talked down the hill ourselves. The singing was wonderful as usual!
I have this weird thing where my arm starts hurting on Sundays, I think my posture must be different on Sundays or something, but it was really getting uncomfortable. Jamin and I were sharing my little hymn book. I tried changing it's position but nothing seemed to help it. Then I had a sneaky thought... I explained my predicament to Jamin and asked if rest my arm in his while we sang. Aren't I sneaky?! ;D Jamin gentlemanly said yes and offered me his arm which remained for the rest of Stadium Singing. He didn't seem to react as positively to it as I thought, which I found a little disheartening and odd, since I was getting all sorts of feelings that he was liking me, but it was ok and I still rather enjoyed it. :) On the walk back we just walked and talked, but it wasn't hard to keep talking. It was nice.
Oh, did I mention that we were partners on Swing Team? He would give me rides to and from that when he could. We played in the leaves once. I said that he could invite his room mates, but he didn't really noise the matter very much because he was excited to spend the time with just me. It was great fun. For a few weeks we didn't do anything because I had a learning experience or two that were good for the learning, but I am grateful for their briefness, to say the least. After they were over Jamin and I started to see more of each other and got back to doing things again.
The next landmark event other than just getting together for practice or other things was the fettuccine date, as it has become to be so infamously known as. :) Jamin had heard me talk about this recipe that my dear friend Jill (then)Allen had for homemade fettuccine sauce that I just LOVE so he worked on getting the recipe from her. He planned the date, but didn't tell me what we were going to have for dinner that we would be making at my house. It was a great surprise!! We cooked it in a funny order, but it was really fun all the same. :)
After that we went to a concert. The whole time during the concert I was part expecting, part hoping, that Jamin would put his arm around me or hold my hand or something like that, but he didn't. It was funny because I remember it making me feel a tinsy bit frustrated because I knew that he wanted to. I guess the precursor to this date that makes it even more significant is that we chatted for a bit that afternoon during which I said that our friendship status was on shaky ground and in danger of falling up. He didn't reply for a few minutes to that. We explored that idea a bit then I said something else of the more weighty variety, I'm starting to like you I think it was, and he didn't reply for another few minutes. I didn't know why it took him so long to reply. I just imagined him staring in shock at his computer screen, not knowing what to say. It made me a little nervous, but his replies calmed my nerves. So, before the date we both knew that we liked each other, thus the twinge of frustration after the concert.
Afterwards we went and got frozen custard, a delicacy that I didn't know was in existence at the time, and Jamin was still acting like we were just friends after we had both expressed that we were both interested in being more than just friends with each other. My frustration became more prominent in my mind. It was a weird set of emotions, to be sure.
So we go home and decide to sit on my front steps and talk for awhile. It was night and a little windy and I don't think that either of us had jackets, but Jamin was dressed a little warmer, I think. Every so often he'd say something like, do you want to go in and get a coat or jacket? Every time I'd say I was fine. I was rebelling against his chivalry because he wasn't acting on any of his feelings for me in any of the simplest, most convenient(like putting his arm around me to keep me warm *hint!* *hint!*) ways. Finally it got to the point were he couldn't stand seeing a girl in discomfort and he addresses it directly. He must have asked something like, what should I do, thinking go get you a coat or something like that. Because all my response was "Be creative!" He paused then got his spare blanket from his trunk!!! I was really trying hard to keep myself from blurting out, “Just put your arm around me Jamin!!” He came back and asked if he could share too because it was chilly out and the cement was cold. I said yes, of course. It was his blanket after all. That got us sitting closer. After a few minutes he did finaly, under cover of blanket, put his hand on my back. He didn't really get to full blown arm around me that night, but the physical touch barrier was broken!!! Then we talked about where we stood and figured that we were pretty much dating by then.
Of course we did WAY more stuff together after that, but I want to tell you about one of my favorite story that was on the following Sunday after the Fettuccine date. Because there are so many good stories after that!!
We went to Stadium Singing together. We had passed the physical touch boundary, but we weren't holding hands yet. There were some of Jamin's FHE sisters there and we talked with them before it started. It was fun getting introduced as the girl he was dating. They were all really nice. :) Things started going and we sang a song or two. It was a cold Idaho night and my hands were freezing. Jamin noticed and asked if my hands were cold. We were sharing my little hymn book and I immediately imagined him putting his hands around mine holding the hymn book or something else sweet, hand hold-y like that because at that point, a day or so after the fettuccine date, we had yet to hold hands. I said yes and he said, "Would you like some gloves?" You can't make up this kind of stuff!!!! All I could do was laugh and say yes. It was so funny!!! He asked me what I was laughing at and I told him that I'd tell him later or nothing or something like that. On the ride home with Jamin I thought of when he offered me gloves when he had the PERFECT opportunity to hold my hands and I naturally started to laugh again. Again he pressed as to what I was finding so funny. How could I describe it gently to him? I asked him if he'd ever seen Disney’s, Hercules. After some reminders I quoth that offering me gloves when my hands were cold was, "Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad." It was hilarious, and he will never live that one down. :)
In the very beginning I still wasn't over my first boyfriend, not completely. There were still some heart strings tied in deep places in my heart. It was hard and very upsetting at times. I didn't feel bad for liking Jamin, but there would be times when I would miss the missionary, sometimes very much. That would make me feel bad for Jamin. It almost felt like I was cheating on Jamin and I couldn't really help it. And it was so weird because missing the missionary still hurt too. It got to be so confusing. I was very upfront with Jamin about it all the way, though. I wasn't going to hide any of it from him.
I remember that one time I was missing the missionary really bad. Jamin hugged me close and comforted me, holding nothing back. That made me feel even worse because I was crying about someone else, missing that someone else, and being comforted by the man who loved me who I was only just starting to really fall in love with and out of love with the other. That amazed me, and still does. Jamin never held my confusions and resurfacing feelings for the missionary against me. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before they were all laid to rest.
Another great story: During the Fall semester there was another swing trip to LA that Jamin and I went with a bunch of other swing dancers went to. My dad let us drive his super economical car, which was pretty awesome. Two other people came with us in that tiny car. Jamin drove almost the whole weekend, the crazy pants!!! But it was good because we could talk a lot while the others slept and just to help keep him alert. It was so nice when he wasn't driving though and had the chance to try to sleep(which he almost can't do in cars) because I could fall asleep in his arms. On the way back, after he had had like 2 hours of sleep in the last 1 and ½ days he did get some sleep and I'm grateful that we were able to have that sweet opportunity in our simple beginnings.
Later, when it was daytime and we were navigating for the guy driving from some directions he had from his laptop. Once we got him set straight we just sat listening to the talk on tape with the laptop in our laps. Jamin had his arm around me and we were very comfortable together. As I was listening I noticed that in the reflection of the laptop screen I could see Jamin and I together. I started at that mirror image. Jamin noticed what I was looking at and started looking too. The screean fell asleep(went black) and we could see even better. A feeling of wanting to say something started to well up inside of me. I knew what I wanted to say, but the trick was getting myself to actually get the words out and say them right. At length I said, "I don't know why and I don't know how," long pause, "but I love what I see." It is worthy of note that hitherto I had not felt like I could really tell Jamin, "I love you." It took him a second or two to realize what I just said and then he almost gasped and I then I could see him fill all the way up to the top with joy and he hugged me close and returned the sentiment.
The next stop was a little town in CA called Yermo. Everyone got out, stretched their legs, went to the bathroom, and such things. It was Jamin's turn again in the drivers seat(the man would not let me drive!!), and before we got in I totally wanted to kiss him on the cheek while he was opening my door for me, but the urge flustered me and I just got in. Jamin started asking me about it, trying to figure out what I was hiding from him(I shook my head when I got in the car). He was so persistent!!! He eventually whittled it out of me after he guessed it. It was funny.
Ah, the first kiss! How could I leave That one out? :) To preface, or perhaps to recall from before, Jamin wasn't exactly what you'd call forward. Rather quite the antithesis. Jamin didn't trust himself with physical affection because it was so new to him and he didn't want to do anything wrong. Not wrong as in poorly, wrong as in fears of what thoughts that might come. To avoid this he waited until he knew that I wanted him to put his arm around me or hold my hand, as illustrated above.
After something, Devotional or Swing Team practice, before we got out of the car the conversation came to a place where the question could be easily asked, "What are your thoughts on kissing?" He told me that he had the goal to only kiss the woman he was going to marry. That hit a tender spot with me because the missionary and I kissed, things went away from him, and my fast learning experience at the beginning of the semester involved a kiss. I disagree with that goal for a few reasons, the main one being that I don't think that you should be deciding if your going to marry someone or not when a kiss is an appropriate display of simple, tender affection in a relationship. They are at two different points and it bugs me when they are combined. He still reached his goal, so I don't know how effective our conversation was. ;)
A little while later, two nights before we went to visit his family's ranch in Ten Sleep, WY(pop~350), Jamin was dropping me off for the evening and we were saying goodnight. "Saying goodnight" then consisted of one long hug and our faces touching. Our date that night was good and I could tell that he felt like he could kiss me goodnight. Only thing was that I wasn't feeling it and I didn't want our first kiss to be like that. We both pretty much knew that it was soon coming. In an effort to preserve the special moment for both of us; his first, my first with him, I asked him to save the kiss for the Ranch. He was so wonderfully respectful of my request and we said goodnight. Ironically enough, the next night I was kicking myself a little because that night I was feeling it but I had set myself up to wait. It wasn't bad. This was all the week before Christmas. It was that week that I Dear John'd the missionary. Happy Christmas!! :\
The drive to Ten Sleep through all the snowy mountain passes was a little intense(leap! How's that for a Mad Gab? :) ) but Jamin is an awesome driver and is used to that drive so we made it safe and sound.
The first day after we got there I went out with Jamin and his brother Andrew(who is now on his mission in Brazil, just like Jamin! They'll be able to speak Portuguese with each other!) to go check cows in their beast of a truck. It was so much fun!! Especially since I didn't have a seat belt and Jamin had to act as a substitute. ;) There were lots of great bumps too!! There were quite a few that lifted me right off my seat! It was snowy, and we had snow gear on and had brought some sleds. We went to the top of this awesome hill and sledded down, going back and forth with the truck from the top a few times, then we graduated to going down the second slope that went to the bottom and was a gentler ride. Andrew brought his snowboard and had a great time falling down the hill, getting caught in the truck tracks. While we were watching Jamin put his arms around my waist from behind for the first time. He had wanted to before, but felt safe doing it with all the snow gear on that we did. For the last run down to the bottom Jamin and I shared the sled that was still whole. :) I accidentally broke the other one. We got the farthest distance!! Once we knew we had won came the sigh of victory and I leaned back against him, my face turned toward him a little. There was the magnetism there that I knew he wanted to kiss me, and really I wanted him to too, but down came Andrew in the truck and we got up to drive back to the house. You could feel the missed opportunity in the air.
The rest of the day went fine. That night we studied scriptures together before it was time to go to bed. After the good study we just sat in each other's arms, talking, which in passage of time turned to silence. We were sitting as such that it would have taken little to no effort to kiss me and we were back to good ole refrigerator magnets. Time passed and he didn't do anything. After awhile he apologized that he didn't have the courage yet to kiss me. There was a little sigh within me, but I wasn't upset at all. We sat for a little more, then he stood up in front of me and offered his hand to help me up. I wasn't quite sure what he was up to. He held me close, just like saying goodnight. And then from out of nowhere he, a little shakily, kissed me for the first time. The rule holds true that the second kiss is better than the first, but he was a fast learner. ;) The memorable comment for him that I made before we ended up saying goodnight for real was that the last kiss he gave me that night was the best kiss I had ever had. The next morning, while I was up before him helping his mom do breakfast-y kitchen-y things, he finally came up and greeted me with a sweet good morning kiss. It didn't take long for that to be nominated as a daily tradition. :) I like the song, "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michealson for that line and it's a good song. :)
So, things went as they usually do with such things and when he was giving me rides around on my first day of Winter semester classes we started talking about getting married with a crazy sort of certainty!!! It was so good and yet so weird!! :) We originally were going to get married during the break between semesters this coming winter, getting engaged sometime early in the Fall because we'd be apart all summer. I was still going to go to Lithuaniaand Alaska.
The CES fireside that Julie B. Beck gave changed that. Jamin and I weren't together then. He left for his internship in NebraskaFebruary 20th. As she spoke Jamin fit everything that she said and it all felt right. Then she said to not postpone marriage. We talked afterwards on the phone and he felt the same way.
We visited the Ranch in Wyoming for his brother's not-farewell Easter weekend and got engaged. My parents and sister came. He asked properly and everything. The second he got out of talking with them he whisked me to a hill top that was on the way to his favorite mountains that he had chosen before hand, and under the full moon he knelt on one knee and asked, "Shara Celeste Masulonis, will you marry me?" I let the question hang in the air for a moment, to be sure it was real, and said yes. It was so wonderful!!!
I love Jamin. I love Jamin so much that I know that I know I could never love anyone with the depth, breadth, and completeness that I have come to love Jamin in the short time span in which it has had to grow, without very personal, intimate help and handiwork of my loving Heavenly Father and my most loving Brother, the Atoning One, Jesus Christ. I know that our love will continue to lift us to new heights. Ever closer to each other, and ever closer to Christ.
There is no one in the world that I would rather climb the blessedly rugged mountains of life with than my dearest, beloved, Jamin Lee Mills.
His Story:I returned to BYU-Idaho after my mission in the fall of 2005. I was eager to start dating and find my future wife, as most returned missionaries are! :) In the beginning of the semester I saw a cute and tall girl at the weekly swing dance and decided to ask her to dance. She was very friendly and cheerful and I felt it would be good if I got to know her better.
I began looking for a chance to get to know her and saw my first opportunity later that semester after a swing dance lesson on a Saturday morning. Shara and two of her friends started walking off campus in the direction of my apartment so I caught up to them and started to visit. I asked where they were from and they said Rexburg. I found it an interesting coincidence. I soon realized that they were all seniors in high school. I thought "Shoot, Shara's off the list of potential spouses," as I didn't think it would be too good of an idea to date a high schooler. I still didn't give up hope I'd get another chance in the future though.
The first swing dance of fall 2006 I saw her changing her shoes just outside of the dance so I went to talk to her. I found she had indeed decided to start school at BYU-Idaho, which caused my hopes to soar! I tried to visit a little but she didn't say to much. She came to a swing dance society meeting soon after and her and I were assigned to work together organizing monthly activities. I was excited and thought this was the chance to work with her and get to know her better! Maybe we'd be able to start dating from there! We worked mostly over e-mail and chat, which was somewhat disappointing to me but I found that I enjoyed her presence.
Later in that semester a trip to LA was scheduled for the swing society and in the hope that I could get her to ride in my car I asked if she had a ride to LA yet in an e-mail. She responded no, but she asked if her and her four friends from Rexburg could ride with me. Again, I was with high hopes since a whole weekend should give us a chance to see if there was potential for our continued dating.
Shara was the last of the group to be picked up and to my disappointment, the tallest guy with us decided to sit in the middle in the front, leaving Shara by the window. I couldn't figure out why he would do that when there were three shorter people sitting in the back who would fit the front in the middle better than he would. Then they started doing things like holding hands and leaning on each other's shoulder and I slowly came to the realization that Shara was dating this guy. Again my hopes came crashing down. I found out that this guy still had to serve a mission but I decided to stop trying and figured if something was supposed to happen between us it would.
At the end of the school year I got a mass e-mail from Shara informing her friends of her plans to go to Alaska to work for the summer. I thought, well good for her, that ought to be a cool experience, then I didn't hear from her after that until July. I was checking my e-mail and out of the blue she signed onto chat and asked me if I had any good college recipes. We discussed that and she told me a bit about her adventures of starting a swing dance in Alaska until I had to go.
This time we had no contact until just before school that fall. After the first day of classes I got an e-mail from Shara asking if I had any plans the coming Saturday. I said not yet and she invited me to go to a concert with her. I got so excited! Here I'd been wanting to get to know Shara for two years and had failed in every attempt and now she was inviting me on a date!
It was an a capella choir concert, and I had a lot of fun spending the time with Shara. After the concert we went to my apartment and played some games with my roommates. The fact came up that Shara didn't know what student ward she was in and didn't really have a way to find out. I tried suggesting she come to ours until she finds out but apparently she didn't hear me. My roommate must have heard me as he made the suggestion for me. She accepted the invite and I was excited to get to spend a second day with her! I gave her a ride to church and sat with her through the meetings. I loved hearing her comments through the lessons and discussing them. After church I asked what plans she had. She said she planned to go study in the school's garden. By now I was very impressed with her view of the gospel so I asked if I could come too. First we studied an article on laughter in the Ensign. We discussed a lot how people need to laugh more in their lives, and how we could change our attitudes so everyday life brings more laughter. Then we studied a very serious article about a group of pioneers that were killed. By now I was sure I needed to spend more time with Shara. I felt so much more happy when I was around her. We went to a friend's apartment and played a game there then we went to stadium singing. During stadium singing she commented on how her arm was feeling tired and asked if she could rest it on mine, which I let her do. I kind of suspected she wanted the gesture to mean more than just an arm rest I was excited she had asked to let me provide a place for her arm to rest. :) I was very hesitant to believe it meant something though because I didn't want to let my hopes get too high! It was such a marvelous day! We had been talking the whole day, there were no awkward silences, but the entire time was enjoyable to me. After stadium singing I invited her to come to my ward's family home evening activity the next day since she hadn't been informed which ward was hers still. She accepted. Then after the activity I decided to try to keep this great thing going and I invited her to a jazz concert that would be in two weeks. Again she accepted. I figured after three days seeing each other it would be wise to take a break and see if the chance to see each other again would arise before the date to the concert. That night I couldn't calm down! I was so excited how I had gotten to see Shara three days in a row! I was impressed with her and I was hoping she was 'the one.' I was imagining if things continued how they were going we could be engaged by the end of the semester! I wanted things to work out but considering our past together I was hesitant and worried it might not work.
We both tried out for the swing dance teams and we both made the same team. Since we were the tallest we were assigned to be partners. This made me even more excited as I was so glad for the excuse to see her three times a week all semester. I used it as an excuse to cautiously get to know Shara a little better. I was trying to take it slow though because thought it would not be fun to be partners on a dance team with somebody that you had to break up with. I wanted to be able to stay friends with Shara, even if we couldn't date one day because I knew if anything she would be a very valuable friend.
The day of the date to the jazz concert came but on my way to practice I happened to discover that Shara had a date with another guy just before ours. When she didn't show up for practice, I expected this would make her late for our date too. It did so I made the decision as firmly as I could that I only wanted to be friends with her and left it at that.
That Sunday I saw her at stadium singing with the guy that made her late for my date. She gave a friendly hello when she saw me. Even though I kept telling myself we were only going to remain friends I decided I had to investigate to find out what was going on between Shara and this guy. I e-mailed Shara, asking how her weekend went and threw in a question about the guy she had been on the date with. She said a few good things about him so I assumed they soon would be dating, and tried to reinforce my attitude that things weren't going to work out between us.
The next event I'll mention here was on October 18th. We were just chatting with google talk as we often did and somehow our conversation turned to a local pizza restaurant. I saw a chance and I invited her to go for lunch in a very round about way, not wanting to directly ask her on a date because I didn't think she'd want to go. To my surprise she went and the date ended up being one of my favorite ones with her, as we had the chance to just sit and talk for a couple hours. I discovered her favorite food was fettuccine alfredo and that she had a friend that had an amazing recipe to make the alfredo sauce.
I took this to mean that Shara was no longer dating the guy she was with before, and upon further subtle questioning I found she was interested in doing something else with me if I wanted. I tried to schedule something but it never worked. She invited me to sit with her at devotional and I mentioned how I was hesitant to go on a date with her because I didn't want to spend too much time with her. I said that because I still was thinking we were only supposed to be friends. After a short discussion we agreed that we were both interested in spending more time together. Once again my plains failed so she had to invite me on the date for it to work. I don't know why that kept happening! This was in early November we planned to go to a dance concert. I was kind of worried it would be my last chance to go on a date with her, so I decided I needed to do something very special to show her how I felt about her. I had tried many times but I had never been able to put my feelings for her aside so it looked like this was the chance to really make or break it.
I wasted no time in contacting the friend that had the alfredo recipe and requested she not give Shara the recipe because I wanted to make it for her on our date. Shara's friend was extremely excited and helpful. I found out more foods Shara liked and disliked and carefully planned a dinner to make for her. I was so nervous and I hoped that the dinner would win her over.
That afternoon before the dinner she signed on to her chat and we visited a little. I mentioned how I was stressing over making sure everything went perfectly and she told me I didn't need to stress, but to make the dinner simpler if it was going to stress me out, she didn't mind. I commented on how glad I was that she was such a good friend and she replied "Yeah. Hehehe, but that friend state is on pretty shaky ground and in danger of falling up. ;D" I was hesitant to believe what I thought she just said! I couldn't contain myself and had to pace around the apartment until I could bring my self to reply. Just so she would confirm what she said I said that I couldn't believe that she would want to spend so much time with me. In her reply she confirmed she was starting to like me. I had to circle the apartment for six minutes before I could calm down enough to start thinking again! Could it be true, could this amazing woman that I had liked for years really start liking me? I got so excited I could no longer focus on the dinner I was planning. My roommate actually had to take me to the store and pick out what I needed for the recipes because I was in such a daze. :)
By the time I went over to her house to start preparing the dinner I had calmed down but I was so anxious to find out if she really meant what she had typed earlier. Since I really didn't trust chatting on the computer very much I wanted to bring the subject up again and find out if she really did like me. The dinner turned out to be good, it was fun cooking with Shara. She then went to change into nicer cloths since the dance showcase was concert dress and came back up the stairs looking stunning in an orange flowery dress. It surprised me and without thinking I said 'Oh wow!' I must say it was incredible how beautiful she looked that night. Maybe she was trying to impress me too?
The showcase was very fun as well. The whole time I kept waiting for the perfect moment to put my arm around her. I never found it though. Due to the dating experiences I had the year before I had become too careful about when I show physical affection and was nervous about doing it. I was kicking myself for not acting as we returned to her house, so I decided to lengthen the date a little and maybe I would get a chance to confirm the feelings I have for her. I said that I really didn't have more planned but I didn't want to end the date yet so I asked if she wanted to just sit on the steps and talk. She agreed! As we visited I couldn't help but notice she had no coat and was obviously freezing. I invited her to go get a coat but she refused. Finally in frustration I said "I know your freezing, what can I do to fix that?" She simply replied "Be creative." I decided to go get a blanket from my car that we could share, I put my arm on the step behind her against her back, sat close to her, and we continued to talk. As we talked she put her hand on mine. Finally she had to ask me if I was interested in our relationship becoming more than a friendship. It seemed she was a little frustrated with my hesitancy to move our relationship forward. I could hardly say it because of all the feelings that were waiting to be let out, but I basically told her I was interested in pursuing our relationship and after we finished talking we hugged goodnight and I headed for home just bouncing inside! It was confirmed, we liked each other! My dreams might still come true!
The next day we agreed to go to stadium singing together. During the course of the night I noticed Shara had no gloves so I asked if her hands were cold. She replied yes, so I think my kind gesture will win her heart and I offer a pair of gloves I had in my pocket. She started laughing at me! It took me the rest of the night to find out why she laughed at me. All she told me was "Have you seen the movie Hercules where they say 'It's not what I had in mind but not bad'?" Just then I realized she was hoping I would hold her hand! The next time we saw each other I had to ask what holding hands meant to her, because to me it was an expression that a couple was committed to each other. The meaning she had for holding hands seemed to fit our relationship well. I decided I was being too cautious and after we finished talking I took her hand as we walked to her door. This was the first time I had held hands with a girl.
Things continued to quickly progress after that. Just before thanksgiving we started talking about what might happen the following semester since I would leave for Nebraska in February and she would leave for Alaska all summer. We felt it best to not worry about it. It felt best to keep dating and find out where our relationship could go. After going to a family gathering the weekend before thanksgiving we decided we could consider ourselves officially dating. During the Thanksgiving break I called her every day and I missed her so much! It was amazing to me that I could miss somebody that much! I knew that I was falling in love with her and I hoped things would continue to work out so we could get married one day.
Sometime during the semester we talked one Sunday about kissing. I kinda felt like she was wondering if she would have to nudge me to get me to kiss her like she had to do in the past to get me to do something. I really didn't know when a kiss was appropriate, I hadn't kissed a girl before! I had previously decided I was going to wait to kiss a girl until I knew we were near engagement. Shara gave a good definition of the meaning of a kiss and I saw that I was too cautious again. I saw that simple kiss was an expression of feelings a couple could have for each other before something as serious as marriage was decided.
At the end of the semester she came to see my family's ranch for a week. As she had requested I waited until we were there to kiss her the first time. It ended up that my first kiss was the girl I would marry anyway. :) It still took a while for me to build up my courage to kiss her. At the end of the day where I had kissed her for the first time she told me I had given her the best kiss she had ever had. What a boost for a guy who had just given his first kiss earlier that evening! :)
We took turns making the trip to see each other until I left for my internship in Nebraska. We made plans to wait until the fall semester to decide if we were going to get married or not. We didn't know how we would feel about each other after being away for such a long time. Even though I knew I wanted to marry Shara for a few months by now no time really felt best for a wedding so we stuck with the possible idea of getting married January 2009 if things worked out in the fall.
After I left for Nebraska we talked on Google Talk almost every night. On March 2nd we watched the CES fireside and the speaker made a list of attributes you will see in a person that you could marry. During the fireside we both felt that the other fit the description and that there was no need to wait for us to get married. We discussed it and decided we wanted to get married during the summer!
I had already gotten work off to go to my brother's farewell so I suggested we see each other that weekend. She came and brought her family because she knew I would want to talk to her parents. I asked her parents for permission then immediately took Shara to a spacial place and proposed to her that night. When we returned we discussed things with our families and picked our wedding date. Since then we worked on the plans every moment we could. We missed each other like crazy and spent every moment we could talking on the phone or chatting. I'm so excited to get to marry this amazing woman!
It took me two years of waiting to become a person that was good enough to start dating Shara but each moment was worth it! Every day I am amazed by her and I am so grateful the Lord allowed us to have this relationship! I know she is the woman I can make the happiest in this life and I know she will return the favor. I love her so much!
Wow, we have a long story. ;) On to another post!
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